The weird, brief blog at KLM

We got an email suggesting we check out Steven's brief blog at blog.klm.com. We'd already found it in a Google search but didn't examine it closely because it seemed more of the same like his current blog - insipid and with obvious tips on the surface, full of bravado and extreme claims when you look closer, and truly bizarre when you stop to wonder what kind of person would write such weirdness.

But after going through the blogs, there were a few nuggets of hilarity that we can't help but highlight!

First, the entire blog lasted only three weeks. What happened? In his final post, he claims it was all a test run, but no other bloggers replaced him. And there was no mention of it being a trial when he first started blogging. It's like KLM just canceled any and all involvement with him and quickly dropped the idea of having a blog. Why they haven't deleted the whole thing, I'm not sure. Having a blogger for only three weeks is bizarre. After I started reading it though, I imagine KLM became uncomfortable with him or even suspicious of some of his stories. We're not surprised his one gig with a legitimate client lasted only not even a month.

Second, the whole stupid thing is a giant, immature suck up to KLM. There is not even a veiled attempt of pretending he's not kissing their ass. But yet he claims to have journalistic integrity! No true journalist would be associated with such a thing. In fact, the first few blogs were sheer, outright KLM promotion that probably they did not even ask of him. But Steven always lays the bullshit on thick.

Examples:
- In his review of airline food, he says the donuts at KLM's lounge at their headquarters in Amsterdam are so amazing that he frequently flies out of his way to Amsterdam just to have them! Ask any business or professional traveler about this suggestion, and they would laugh you silly. While frequent travelers may enjoy being on the road, anyone with a life, family and friends, and real responsibilities is not going to needlessly lengthen their trip, at unnecessary cost to himself or his "employer," for some donuts. Only an unprofessional hack would try such a thing, but he claims he does it regularly!
- For Christmas he says he got what he had wanted all his life: a model KLM airplane!
- There was an entire post dedicated to KLM's luggage tags! This from a "travel analyst"?!
- One day he had nothing better to do than post this crap that even the shittiest advertising intern would laugh at:

"Traveling from Glasgow to Hong Kong for Chinese New Year? KLM can do that.

Flying from Cardiff to San Francisco to see the famous Fog over The Bay? KLM can do that.

Headed out from London to Rotterdam for a day out with the in-laws? KLM can do that."

Oh, the journalistic credibility!

As usual there were extreme stories and fantastic claims:

- "I was about to fly roughly 20,000 miles in less than 72hrs" are your eyes rolling too?
- "While packing my backpack up to catch my flight I did learn a few interesting things through this man’s loud mobile phone conversation.  I learned that this Englishman deals in foreign real-estate, I found out that this guy really hates his brother-in-law… and for some reason I managed to be informed that he has dermatologist appointment coming up for a growth of some sort on his right shoulder." Again, not really believable. Sounds like dialog a bad TV sitcom writer would dream up.
- "By checking in online airport thieves can have their boarding pass for a 9:00pm flight 24 hours before boarding the plane, and get through security when the security check point opens at 5:00am. The thieves spend their day people watching and using the underestimated art of observation. They are looking for body language, items out in the open, people who seem unfamiliar with security procedures and those who seem confused and easily distracted by dealing with all the procedures for crossing through security from the ‘public side’ to the ’sterile side’ of an airport. The “professional airport thief” has a subtle way of getting in line behind their target. You won’t know the thief is there until they are gone."

OK we're no expert fliers, but at every airport we've been to, we haven't been allowed through security if our flight is not within four hours.

"In the course of a day a skilled thief can go through security at an airport, such as Philadelphia International Airport (PHL) or  Paris’ Charles de Gaulle Int’l Airport (CDG), upwards of a dozen times."

WTF? Why would you need to be checking in and out of security if your big scheme was to get through it 16 hours before your flight? Wouldn't that make you more suspicious? What idiot besides Steven Frischling would think up such a scenario?

"If your bag is pulled for secondary screening (and mine are 90% of the time) be polite to the agent and NEVER act confused by this. If you act confused or become forgetful as a result of your bag being pulled for secondary screening you open yourself up to becoming a target again. This is a clear sign to the airport thieves that you are inexperienced and can easily be distracted."

This is so stupid it speaks for itself.
Oh and your bags are pulled 90 percent of the time? Unless you only fly Bogota-to-Miami or your first name is Osama, I can't imagine anybody's bags are pulled at that frequency.

Thirdly, if you've arrived 16 hours before your flight and have already one through security "upwards of a dozen times," what else can you do to pass the time? Why not sit in a corner like Steven Frischling, who brings professional drum sticks everywhere so he can pound on his bag to the voices in his head?

Steven never leaves home without it

"Drumming on my bag?  Just what it sounds like, I often pack a pair of drumsticks in my bag (I like Neil Peart Pro Mark 747s … no shock I use 747  sticks, eh?).   Drumsticks take up virtually no space, allow me to work off my energy and keep me entertained.   To prevent me from annoying those around me, I usually find a corner and use the back of my bag as my drum pad.   I find the back of most bags ideal because they are padded, the padding not only protects the contents of my bag throughout my stream of hits, flams, rudiments, fills and rim shots…but the padding also muffles the sounds of my drum sticks."

This is even stupider. What kind of moron over 8 years old would sit in the corner at the airport and drum on their bag without being high as a kite? I highly doubt he even owns drum sticks, yet this suits his vision of himself as some sort of rock star. But I doubt even Neal Peart himself would be caught doing something so idiotic.

(By the way, why is he still editing his stories on KLM? The latest story was edited on Friday, almost a year after it was written.)